In this video I once again discuss why so many people fail to reach their weight loss goals–especially New Year Resolutions! Most goals are set in order to fix a perceived problem or issue. Not a bad place to start as life does help us get specific about what we prefer and desire. However, keeping your focus on the “problem” is the problem! Change becomes very difficult whenever we have a lot of energy (language, strong images, and strong emotion) attached to something because it becomes almost “hard-wired” in your brain–at least, in your subconscious, which affects your daily decisions and drivers. The goal is to become more emotionally invested in where you want to go than where you are starting. This starts with making peace (removing negative emotion) with your current starting point. Once you are at peace with where you are you can turn your attention to where it is you want to go (being able to see what it is you want will be much more clear when you no longer have negative energy devoted to your problem). And the more positive emotional connection (combined with a clear image and powerful language) you can bring toward your new goal, the greater your chances of success will be!
In this video I talk about how having a goal of trying to lose weight or get rid of pain is riddled with failure. The reason for this is that in order for you to know you are losing weight (or no longer in pain) you have to constantly check to see if the very thing you want to eliminate (weight/pain) is still there. Doing this causes your brain to have to resonate with the problem, thus causing you to reactivate and reinforce the chemical processes and neural pathways that accompany the problem. Since your brain doesn’t distinguish between what it is remembering or experiencing in real-time, thinking about the problem causes it to be a reinforced experience. What I ask my clients, whether it is a weight related goal or a pain related goal, is where they would be if they “lost 15 pounds” or what would it feel like “if there back didn’t hurt?” Most people can’t answer this initially. That’s because they have never given any attention to where they want to go–only on where they don’t want to be, which explains why they have failed so many times in the past. Consider the differences in what you see in your head when you think of losing fifteen pounds compared to being a lean and firm you (or wherever you would be if those fifteen pounds were gone). You create largely in pictures. Add in the language and emotion and you have a powerful creative device. The question is, which picture is stronger and supported by powerful emotion and language (negative or positive)? The stronger one will always win!!
In this video I discuss how thoughts become beliefs and, if left unattended, beliefs eventually become truths, which then influence our life’s experiences. Consider that negative emotions serve as a guide to help us tend to the thoughts (and focus) that might be working against us. When we think about our body (or any other subject) in a negative or limited way we feel negative emotion so we would take notice of the direction of our thoughts. I like to think of negative emotion as our B.S. indicator! It’s trying to warn us that we have a belief that has information that has been distorted, deleted or generalized. If left unattended, in your effort to feel a little bit better, that belief will eventually have to be proven true. Proving your limited belief to be true allows you to justify your false or limited perspective and potentially blame someone or something else. With that, it’s not a far leap to consider that your current body experience is a perfect match to some limited belief you have about your body and health. Consider you are exactly where you are supposed to be….or better said, you are exactly where you have led yourself (unconsciously)!
In this video I talk about how visualizing what you want your body to look like and feel like is important but it may not be enough to get you to your body weight goal! It’s one thing to close your eyes and see what you want and even to do it with emotion but if you still have negative emotion surrounding your current bodily condition there is a chance that your current reality will “outweigh” your visualized reality. The benefit of visualizing is that it trains your brain to look for what you want to experience and feel–creating kind of like a program for your brain to follow. However, if when you are out of visualization and you notice your current condition more often and with more emotion than your visualized vision than the stronger vision will always win. One could out visualize their current reality by spending more time visualizing what they want then they see or think about their current reality but this is a tough thing to do since we take our body wherever we go. In the video I talk about a simply process that helps you identify whether your current reality or your visualized one is more present in your subconscious mind. The thing to remember here is that you can’t get away from the thing you are dominantly focused on…it’s just the way your brain is wired!!
And if you are one of those who struggle (or have struggled) to get to or stay at your desired body weight (some say there’s up to a 95% failure rate when it comes to long term weight loss) please take a few minutes to fill out my latest survey! It only takes a few minutes and this data will help me in further developing my newest project. Here’s the survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/P669HR8
In this video I discuss the possibility that the reason why you get stuck when moving toward your body and health goals (or have a tendency to revert back to pre-goal conditions) has more to do with an emotional set-point and/or an innate protective mechanism. Consider that getting stuck (or returning back to starting point) is a way to protect you from the downsides that might exist surrounding getting to your goal. And if the emotional payoff of staying where you are is bigger (the upsides of staying where you are) than the threat of a downside of staying where you are (or the upside of getting to your goal) then you will always go back to where you are safest and most comfortable. Understanding these hidden agendas may help to uncover some unreasonable agreements or beliefs you have that may be unconsciously sabotaging your efforts for change!
If “weight loss” (which is the wrong thing to focus on) was about action, everyone who got to their goal should easily maintain their results with less action but that’s not the case. The reality is 95% of people who do get to their body goals will end up right back where they started (or worse) within 5 years. Long-term change has more to do with how we think, how we feel and how focus than it does about how much action we take. In fact, it’s hard to keep up action for a long time if the actions don’t match our internal image and set-point. Tend to your mind then tend to you body!!
In this video I discuss how so often people will describe a problem they want to change, like being overweight or smoking, using “I am” language. Saying something like “I am fat” or “I am a smoker” causes you to connect that situation, activity or experience to your identity. The problem with doing this is that it is very difficult for someone to change something at the level of identity. Once you claim something like this at the level of identity it becomes part of who you are in the world and to get rid of that (even though you may not like it) might, unconsciously, threaten a part of your existence. So, rather than saying that you are fat or that you are a smoker it would be better to take the stance that it is your BODY that is fat (not YOU) or that you choose to smoke (it is something you do, not who you are). When you can comfortably see that these are things outside of your identity then you have the power to change them by understanding that they are indicators of something else. Figure out what these things are a reflection of or an indication of and it will be much easier to deal with why they existed in the first place. Hint: everything we do we do to feel better or safe.
In this video I discuss why 95% of those who set New Year’s Resolutions (like losing weight or quitting smoking) will fail. Your brain is wired to follow what you focus on….trying to lose weight (or quit smoking) has a focus on the very thing you want to get rid of. This focus causes your brain to align with things that match what you want to get rid or stop. Knowing what you want (even you know what you DO WANT) may not be enough if you don’t add more depth to the visual idea of your goal. By adding language and positive emotion to the visual idea, your goal is much more real and meaningful. Focus on where you want to go, not where you are coming from, and WHY you want to go there.
In this video I discuss the difference between motivation and inspiration and why motivation isn’t enough for long term change. The difference between being motivated and inspired is relative to which direction one is focused–one is focused on trying to fix or get rid of a problem (motivation) and the other is moving toward what you desire (inspiration). Most people, when trying to lose weight, change their body or health in some way, are usually motivated to change, which means they know exactly what they don’t want and will take massive action to change the thing they don’t want so they can feel better (that comes from the limited perspective that their body situation is responsible for how they feel). They have motive to justify extreme action. However, it is my goal to help them become inspired to get to their goal–and that is by knowing exactly what they want (instead of what they want to get rid of) and why they want it (the emotional payoff). When one is focused on where they want to go and have connected that goal with a core value the actions that would reap benefit are inspired, logical next steps whereas motivated actions always take will power, force and always seems to be a battle–and that’s because the actions don’t match the focus. Look for where you want to go and take actions that match that rather than trying to take actions to change where you are!
In this video I talk about how easy it is for most people to beat themselves up for not being where they would like with their body. But rather than beating yourself up for eating the “wrong” foods or not having enough will power or whatever you have attributed to your current condition, it might be helpful to see your body fat (or pain) as a progression of indicators relative to the stress in your life (not to mention, the choices you make a reflection of those stresses–survival comes first). Most people don’t deal with their negative emotions in a productive way (often ignoring them or taking outside action to feel better momentarily) and that usually leads to missing the helpful aspect of negative emotion–that being an indication that your current perspective is holding you back from reaching/achieving the things that are important to you. And so when you don’t listen those internal indicators you get a slightly bigger indicator that shows up where you might take notice…that is, in your physical experience (like in your body). So if you can step back and see that your body is a reflection of the stresses that you have not tended to or resolved–much like pain is trying to tell you something is wrong–then there’s a chance you can be a bit easier about your current body condition. When you go easy on yourself (along with effectively dealing with your stresses) you will be amazed at how much easier your body changes to something you love and appreciate.