If “weight loss” (which is the wrong thing to focus on) was about action, everyone who got to their goal should easily maintain their results with less action but that’s not the case. The reality is 95% of people who do get to their body goals will end up right back where they started (or worse) within 5 years. Long-term change has more to do with how we think, how we feel and how focus than it does about how much action we take. In fact, it’s hard to keep up action for a long time if the actions don’t match our internal image and set-point. Tend to your mind then tend to you body!!
In this video I discuss how so often people will describe a problem they want to change, like being overweight or smoking, using “I am” language. Saying something like “I am fat” or “I am a smoker” causes you to connect that situation, activity or experience to your identity. The problem with doing this is that it is very difficult for someone to change something at the level of identity. Once you claim something like this at the level of identity it becomes part of who you are in the world and to get rid of that (even though you may not like it) might, unconsciously, threaten a part of your existence. So, rather than saying that you are fat or that you are a smoker it would be better to take the stance that it is your BODY that is fat (not YOU) or that you choose to smoke (it is something you do, not who you are). When you can comfortably see that these are things outside of your identity then you have the power to change them by understanding that they are indicators of something else. Figure out what these things are a reflection of or an indication of and it will be much easier to deal with why they existed in the first place. Hint: everything we do we do to feel better or safe.
In this video I discuss why 95% of those who set New Year’s Resolutions (like losing weight or quitting smoking) will fail. Your brain is wired to follow what you focus on….trying to lose weight (or quit smoking) has a focus on the very thing you want to get rid of. This focus causes your brain to align with things that match what you want to get rid or stop. Knowing what you want (even you know what you DO WANT) may not be enough if you don’t add more depth to the visual idea of your goal. By adding language and positive emotion to the visual idea, your goal is much more real and meaningful. Focus on where you want to go, not where you are coming from, and WHY you want to go there.
In this video I discuss the difference between motivation and inspiration and why motivation isn’t enough for long term change. The difference between being motivated and inspired is relative to which direction one is focused–one is focused on trying to fix or get rid of a problem (motivation) and the other is moving toward what you desire (inspiration). Most people, when trying to lose weight, change their body or health in some way, are usually motivated to change, which means they know exactly what they don’t want and will take massive action to change the thing they don’t want so they can feel better (that comes from the limited perspective that their body situation is responsible for how they feel). They have motive to justify extreme action. However, it is my goal to help them become inspired to get to their goal–and that is by knowing exactly what they want (instead of what they want to get rid of) and why they want it (the emotional payoff). When one is focused on where they want to go and have connected that goal with a core value the actions that would reap benefit are inspired, logical next steps whereas motivated actions always take will power, force and always seems to be a battle–and that’s because the actions don’t match the focus. Look for where you want to go and take actions that match that rather than trying to take actions to change where you are!
In this video I talk about how easy it is for most people to beat themselves up for not being where they would like with their body. But rather than beating yourself up for eating the “wrong” foods or not having enough will power or whatever you have attributed to your current condition, it might be helpful to see your body fat (or pain) as a progression of indicators relative to the stress in your life (not to mention, the choices you make a reflection of those stresses–survival comes first). Most people don’t deal with their negative emotions in a productive way (often ignoring them or taking outside action to feel better momentarily) and that usually leads to missing the helpful aspect of negative emotion–that being an indication that your current perspective is holding you back from reaching/achieving the things that are important to you. And so when you don’t listen those internal indicators you get a slightly bigger indicator that shows up where you might take notice…that is, in your physical experience (like in your body). So if you can step back and see that your body is a reflection of the stresses that you have not tended to or resolved–much like pain is trying to tell you something is wrong–then there’s a chance you can be a bit easier about your current body condition. When you go easy on yourself (along with effectively dealing with your stresses) you will be amazed at how much easier your body changes to something you love and appreciate.
In this video I talk about how most people, when setting goals, are more clear on what they don’t want than what they do want and how that causes “the problem” (their weight, pain or health) to perpetuate. For example, a goal of losing weight is more a focus on what you want to get rid of. This type of focus causes your brain to create imagery around the very thing you don’t want. In fact, in order for you to know if you have made any progress you have to think about the weight you didn’t want, which causes your brain to continue to look for the weight you didn’t want. Even if you were to have some positive changes, you would more than likely miss those changes because they were not picked up by your conscious mind since it was wired to look for more of the problem. In the video I provide a simple little exercise to help get to a more positive end-result goal. If you don’t know where you are going you may always end up right back where you started!!
In this video I talk about how important it is, in order to see success, to take responsibility for your current body and health situation. What I love about the word “responsibility” is that it breaks down to “response” and “ability,” which means the ability to respond. Responding is very different from reacting. If you break down “reacting” you get “re” and “acting,” which means you are acting again—acting the same way you did in the past to a negative situation. Responding is taking into consideration the broader perspective about what is really happening and acting powerfully with action—regardless of whether that action is more mental or physical action. Reacting is simply letting the outside world affect how you feel (“my body makes me feel insecure!”). In order to change your body and health you must take 100% responsibility for where you are and how you feel. When you understand that everything is exactly where it should be relative to the thoughts, feelings, and actions that you’ve experienced in the past (hour, year, decade) you should see that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Knowing this gives you the ability to respond with power rather than reacting to the body you have now and taking drastic action to change what you don’t like so you can feel better (thinking the outside world causes you to feel the way you do—reacting). When to have the ability to respond to your current situation you can incrementally move yourself to better places. And each better place provides more power to change. The better you feel, the easier change happens!
In this video I talk about a recent session I had with a client where I helped her create a broader perspective relative to a negative interaction she had with her partner. Being able to see that how he was behaving came from a strategy, most likely put in place at an early age, to protect his self and feel better she was able to understand that his anger was just him reaching, once again, to feel better from a place of feeling powerless (not attacking her to intentionally make her feel bad). With that thought, understand that the way you currently feel about your body could be a step up from a much worse place (possibly a strategy you came up with at an early age) and that you can continue that progression by reaching for better emotional places. Each incremental step toward a better emotion puts your body in a better chemical and energetic environment as well as helping your brain to align with better strategies, all of which will help you to allow change with your body and health to happen with less effort.
In this post I talk about how your body is exactly where it should be…based on one of two things. Either it is a reflection of stresses in your daily life that you haven’t dealt with or it because of your focus on trying to get rid of your body problem (weight, pain, etc.). Emotions serve us well in that they help us determine which direction we are heading–meaning, if you feel negative emotion it means you are focused in a limited, unproductive way and that negative feeling is supposed to feel bad so you do something about it. Ignore that indicator and the indicator can get bigger and usually shows up where you will take notice…like in your body. The issue with trying to get rid of your body problem is that your brain continues to look for matches (which influences your choices) to what you dominantly focus on. In order for you to notice your problem is gone (body fat, pain) you have to think about it first, which just causes you to align more with the problem. If you can see that your body is just an indicator of your focus, whether it is relative to your body or other subjects in your life, then you start to use that as feedback, rather than beating yourself up for not being somewhere else.
In this video I present a coaching question that is designed to evoke some powerful internal processing. This very simple question was presented to me not long ago when I had a hiccup relative to one of my businesses and caused me to unlock some hidden resources that helped me rocket right through the issue! This question turns you from thinking about the problem and causes you to look within yourself as to why you are powerful already relative to your body and health (or whatever your “problem” may be). The more you can find evidence of things that are working already (just by the fact that you are still alive and kicking is at least one sign you are successful) and by teaching your mind to look for the things you want to see, the more successful you will be at ALLOWING change to happen (as opposed to FORCING it to happen).